Food for Thought

Decided to set an alarm and get up for a Hot Yoga class this morning. Boy, am I ever glad that I did! It was tough, and totally a mental push as well as the physical, but I so needed it.

The instructor started and ended the class with what she called "Food for Thought" and the theme was "connection". She asked if it was possible to be completely surrounded by others and yet feel lonely, isolated, and alone in thought. She said that without making connections, we could be surrounded by people, busyness, the hustle/bustle of life, with lots of family and friends and yet still we feel like we are alone in our thoughts - that we are the only one feeling this way or thinking these thoughts. She mentioned that we are able to completely change our outsides (something that I am now desperately trying to do) and she'd even help us to do so, but that we need to be aware of our "inside" as well. She challenged us to connect to ourselves and our thoughts and then suggested sharing these thoughts with others and reaching out to make connections. It was just what I needed to hear today and this week while I'm beginning this journey... again! 

In the spirit of her challenge, I will share my lonely thoughts:

I am constantly surrounded by supportive friends and family. I have amazing students and youth that I work with, and strong friendships. Yet I still have days where I feel alone. I think a lot of this loneliness stems from being a 34 year old single woman without a family of her own. I don't have that person to come home to at the end of the day. I have my fat Honduran cat named Suki (who is also now starting a diet - more on that another time). I don't have anyone watching what I eat at home - no one to keep me from sitting down to Netflix with an entire bag of chips. My biggest fear? That I'll end up alone forever with 6 cats... ok, not really, but sort of. I truly fear that by the time I find "my person", I will be too old to have children of my own. [sigh] My anxiety doesn't help these lonely thoughts go away...

So, for now, I try to distract myself from those lonely thoughts and choose instead to make connections and be present in the moment. I will keep working on the "outside" in the hope that the "inside" starts to strengthen as well.